 Text introducing Dr. Makover Looking to maximize profit on your house-flip investment? You’ve put in literally thousands of hours transforming an ugly wreck of a house into an enviable property, no doubt the most gorgeous in the neighborhood. Now is not the time to rest on your laurels (whatever those are!), as the crucial “showing phase” begins. It is well known that prospective buyers make their decision yea or nay within two minutes of crossing the threshold of a new listing. Your challenge is to create an overwhelmingly positive impression from the get-go. If you’re reading this, you are in luck! I recently pioneered a new technique I call “Found Object Art Simulation.” Follow these simple and straightforward directions and you will raise the number and price of your offers by 25% or more. First, find a collection of objects in a nook or cranny of your home that catches your eye. (If you are one those inveterate multi-taskers so prevalent today who never pays much attention to anything, I recommend You Are Here by the celebrated Buddhist leader Tikh Nhat Han.) Next, manipulate a few objects, changing their position or even removing and adding a few, till the color and composition look good. For maximum effect set up a red velvet rope in front of the designated area and tack a white plastic label with embossed black lettering on the closest wall at eye height, giving your display an imaginative title that captures its special essence, much like a real artist does. Three to five displays are optimal. Now the real fun begins. When your prospective buyer walks through the door, whisk him or her around past all your “exhibits” as fast as you can. With strategic placement and a rapid pace, hitting them all under two minutes should be no problem. The technique is particularly effective with first time buyers and shoppers with a flair for design. What’s that? You think you and your home lack potential? Think again! All it takes is a little imagination to make the most out of the available materials, no matter how prosaic they appear in their usual habitats. Intimidated? Check out the simple displays below that turned a run-of-the-mill American Craftsman kit-built bungalow into a heart stopping irresistible manse, and see how easy it is to add value while exercising creative impulses you never thought you had!  Bathroom “Oval Queen in full dress flanked by the VO5 Royal Guards”  Kitchen “Dawn Platinum Extends Himself” Beside an Attractive White Bowl”  Basement “Three Strange Metal Things that Look Like Museum Sculptures”  Miscellaneous “Vertiginous Stairway” Would you believe these compelling, museum quality exhibits were set up in less time than it took you to commute to work this week and for less money than your monthly utility bill? If you get stuck, ask a special friend for help, or even a spouse. Double the fun and square the creativity when you share the fun with others. Remember it’s your pockets those extra dollars will be filling. Get the picture(s)? Now what are you waiting for?!
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This Political Season: Intolerance at the Gates As a psychoanalyst both love and hate are in my purview, but I admit I’m not neutral on the question of which is better sustenance for living. There is a long tradition of applying psychoanalysis outside of the consulting room. Freud set a mind expanding precedent. He drew his inspiration from science, religion, history, mythology, society and the arts as well as from his practice, and he gave back to all these sources of knowledge and energy. Violence, hatred, sadism, bigotry: they fascinated Freud and still fascinate us. When growing unchecked in our midst, however, they may call us beyond our consulting rooms in defense of tolerance and peaceful co-existence. Elvin Semrad, a beloved teacher of psychoanalysis at the Massachusetts Mental Health Center in the 1960’s and 70’s famously said the goal of psychotherapy is to help people “acknowledge, bear and put in perspective” their struggles and their pain. In this respect the music of good poetry is often psychoanalytic and the feeling experience of a good analysis is often poetic. Allmerica's Song “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose votes.” — Donald Trump, rally. Sioux City Iowa, 1/23/16 Donald Trump retweets neo-Nazi sympathizer who has said he lives in “Jewmerica.” — New York Daily News, 1/22/16  C’mon proud citizens Of Christ Muslim Jewmerica Gay Straight Transmerica Asian Latinomerica Black and Whitemerica  Who don’t even pack heat in the middle of the street In schools or museums except in bad dreams Cuz I got a short story, not pistol pumped or gory An Allmerican anthem that refuses to grant them The tolerance despisers, the bigotry deniers Any role in our soul, any place for love’s misers On the beat watch your feet, white supremacists meet Don’t give lip, want to be stranded on a ship Like the St. Louis of misery, turned away by U.S. history In advance of Trump’s profanity, refugees from fascist anarchy Whose bodies dropped with guns’ staccato sound Like on TV shows and movies Where murders and assaults fill studio vaults  Donald shines, brightly washed, doing deals, living posh First a bore and a scamp, but the rich have a stamp That declares when we oughta have a cleansing new order Each civility we built slides away in the silt Not made for a grade this steep it’s Our republic, can we keep it? That’s ours, the third house of the Pig Ain’t it strong, ain’t it big! When the wolf man shoots his breath Like a Trekkie Borg on meth Ain’t it handsome, ain’t it tall? Are you sure it won’t fall? The paranoid see farther than complacent pundits bother We say their brains’ got bad biology They’ve mixed up their chronology Don’t be uncouth, don’t be unfair, it can’t happen here  Pardon me, can you disturb your tranquility Entertain the possibility that denial is futility Embrace a position in stiff spined opposition Fight the urge to appease, to genuflect and please The masterminds of hate Before it’s too late, you lost your state Wake up you can’t find it, you left it behind it’s What your forefathers fought for What will you let yourself be bought for? C’mon Blacks, c’mon Jews C’mon gay, cis and trans Muslims, Latinos Philadelphia to Reno Gandhi never ate the candy MLK drew his arc up from the dark With permanent marker  Learn from followers of Abe Who didn’t see their graves In the sunsets of Vienna Don’t be dumb and senseless when a Virus of contempt and titillation Sweeps across the nation Stand up For loving kindness Tolerance cooperation Not deaf, dumb and blindness The poster on your wall makes the call Says it all Feel your heart, hear its rhyme The winner is a loser Who spoke up one more time Notes -St. Louis: An ocean liner carrying Jewish refugees from Nazi Germany turned away by the U.S. Many on board died in concentration camps after returning to Europe. -Third house of the Pig: In the Three Little Pigs, the house of bricks too strong for the big bad wolf to blow down. -Borg: From the Star Trek TV series, an alien race of cyborgs functioning as drones in a hive mind. They force other species into the hive, warning them, “resistance is futile.” -Lost your state: Ben Franklin, when asked on leaving Independence Hall at the close of the 1787 Constitutional Convention, “Well Doctor, what have we got---a republic or a monarchy?” replied, “A Republic, if you can keep it.” -MLK’s arc: Martin Luther King, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” Dr. Motley's Guide to Better Living Dr. Motley needs no introduction to those of you who have been faithfully watching his long-running series on the Self and Other Improvement channel (SOI) these past many years, or who have read his many published works, including Thrilling Low-Risk Life Adventuresand Away with All Worry: Fast Track Therapy for Generations X ,Y ,Z and Beyond. Dr. Motley has an uncanny ability to distill digestible nuggets of practical import from his thirty years of practice as a psychotherapist and educator. He can’t name any names, but the list of people who have consulted him reads like a veritable Who’s Whoof Movers and Shakers. We are beyond pleased to offer the good doctor’s wisdom in the form of contributions to Boomspring Blog. Dr. Motley makes his debut with a stirringly upbeat approach to one of life’s most trying experiences: Loss Without StressHave you ever noticed when you stop people on the street at random, especially the ones who aren’t smiling*, and ask what’s on their minds, they are likely to tell you they lost some thing or person? After a day or two of this you might think the condition is rather common. Well, trust your intuition. You would be absolutely right! The results just in from NIMH sponsored studies at two reputable institutions of higher learning have found the condition to be downright ubiquitous! But not to worry! We have distilled the hard won insights of some of history’s greatest thinkers (including my fellow clinical researchers) for your perusal below. Incorporate them into your Mental Transformations(MT) practice today! In almost no time at all you will inoculate yourself against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Many people have trouble after they lose. Losses may be medium, like losing your wallet or a bet on your favorite sports team; small, like losing your keys; very small, like losing a receipt you need for your tax filing; large, like losing your car; very large, like losing your brand new car; or extremely large, like losing a loved one:   Losing is really not that difficult. Your car is probably insured, with a small deductible, say $3000. You can copy your spouse’s car key, with the exception of most keys to models built after 2010, which contain miniature electronic devices connected to the “internet of things,” things such as your downstairs thermostat, which requires remote adjustment to keep the pipes from freezing if the temperature drops below 9 degrees. Your pharmacy receipt—well, the chance of getting audited is less than 0.3% unless the GOP loses control of Congress. Most lost things can be recovered, replaced or proven insignificant:   However, exceptions do occur:  Mental Transformation (MT) is a successful new therapy that can reduce the stress associated with extremely large or resistant losses. To get started, focus your unquiet mind on one or more of these time-tested comforting cognitions (cognitions are something like thoughts, only more sophisticated): 10 Cognitions to Stop Obsessing about that Thing You Lost
Concentrate as hard as you can, performing five sets of five reps on each item in succession. Repeat as often as needed. ** You choose the number of cognitions, but remember, the more the better. Rigorous testing has revealed exactly how stress varies as the inverse of that number. Here is an example of the results in the case of your loss of Aunt Bess:  If you are at all glum after 5 X 5 reps, you can purchase my best selling Loss Without Stress at a surprisingly affordable price on the web or at your favorite big box bookstore (if it’s still in business). Loss Without Stress is money-back guaranteed to produce the following results:  Enough said. Now, GO TO IT, LOSERS! It’s really not that hard, once you get the hang of it.*** *In the Midwest where everybody smiles you may choose people at random.  ** ADD sufferers, please take your Adderall with a small glass of orange juice 20 minutes prior to beginning this exercise
*** Occasionally you may experience a loss resistant to multiple reps of all 10 cognitions and even to several close readings of my best-selling book. Anecdotal evidence suggests that in such cases, talking to another human, e.g. a friend or relative, may be of some use. If all else fails, you might even consult a professional who deals with unremitting feelings. “Feelings” are kind of like thoughts with a little color added. Alright, I admit it, I’ve consulted other humans myself, but really very rarely. |