Loss without Stress

Dr. Motley's Guide to Better Living

Dr. Motley needs no introduction to those of you who have been faithfully watching his long-running series on the Self and Other Improvement channel (SOI) these past many years, or who have read his many published works, including Thrilling Low-Risk Life Adventuresand Away with All Worry: Fast Track Therapy for Generations X ,Y ,Z and Beyond.  Dr. Motley has an uncanny ability to distill digestible nuggets of practical import from his thirty years of practice as a psychotherapist and educator. He can’t name any names, but the list of people who have consulted him reads like a veritable Who’s Whoof Movers and Shakers. We are beyond pleased to offer the good doctor’s wisdom in the form of contributions to Boomspring Blog.  Dr. Motley makes his debut with a stirringly upbeat approach to one of life’s most trying experiences:

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Loss Without Stress

Have you ever noticed when you stop people on the street at random, especially the ones who aren’t smiling*, and ask what’s on their minds, they are likely to tell you they lost some thing or person?  After a day or two of this you might think the condition is rather common.  Well, trust your intuition. You would be absolutely right! The results just in from NIMH sponsored studies at two reputable institutions of higher learning have found the condition to be downright ubiquitous!
 
But not to worry! We have distilled the hard won insights of some of history’s greatest thinkers (including my fellow clinical researchers) for your perusal below.  Incorporate them into your Mental Transformations(MT) practice today! In almost no time at all you will inoculate yourself against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Many people have trouble after they lose.  Losses may be medium, like losing your wallet or a bet on your favorite sports team; small, like losing your keys; very small, like losing a receipt you need for your tax filing; large, like losing your car; very large, like losing your brand new car; or extremely large, like losing a loved one:

Losing is really not that difficult. Your car is probably insured, with a small deductible, say $3000.  You can copy your spouse’s car key, with the exception of most keys to models built after 2010, which contain miniature electronic devices connected to the “internet of things,” things such as your downstairs thermostat, which requires remote adjustment to keep the pipes from freezing if the temperature drops below 9 degrees. Your pharmacy receipt—well, the chance of getting audited is less than 0.3% unless the GOP loses control of Congress.

Most lost things can be recovered, replaced or proven insignificant:

However, exceptions do occur:

Mental Transformation (MT) is a successful new therapy that can reduce the stress associated with extremely large or resistant losses.  To get started, focus your unquiet mind on one or more of these time-tested comforting cognitions (cognitions are something like thoughts, only more sophisticated):

10 Cognitions to Stop Obsessing about that Thing You Lost

1. Things could be worse
2. Things were at one time worse
3. Things get worse before they get better
4. People you envy have done worse
5. If you made the other choice things would have been even worse
6. There’s nothing you could have done about it
7. Things are really better without the thing you lost
8. A winner is just a loser who tried one more time
9. Losers shall inherit the Earth
10. Now you don’t have so much to lose.

Concentrate as hard as you can, performing five sets of five reps on each item in succession.  Repeat as often as needed. ** You choose the number of cognitions, but remember, the more the better.  Rigorous testing has revealed exactly how stress varies as the inverse of that number.  Here is an example of the results in the case of your loss of Aunt Bess:

If you are at all glum after 5 X 5 reps, you can purchase my best selling Loss Without Stress at a surprisingly affordable price on the web or at your favorite big box bookstore (if it’s still in business).  Loss Without Stress is money-back guaranteed to produce the following results:

Enough said. Now, GO TO IT, LOSERS!  It’s really not that hard, once you get the hang of it.***

*In the Midwest where everybody smiles you may choose people at random.

​** ADD sufferers, please take your Adderall with a small glass of orange juice 20 minutes prior to beginning this exercise
 
*** Occasionally you may experience a loss resistant to multiple reps of all 10 cognitions and even to several close readings of my best-selling book.  Anecdotal evidence suggests that in such cases, talking to another human, e.g. a friend or relative, may be of some use.  If all else fails, you might even consult a professional who deals with unremitting feelings.  “Feelings” are kind of like thoughts with a little color added.  Alright, I admit it, I’ve consulted other humans myself, but really very rarely.